Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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