i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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