You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
