my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
