yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
