Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
