I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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