My pussy is not your playground.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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