I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
