remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
