I wanna bring you to show and tell
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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