Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
