One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
