I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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