3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize