i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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