I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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