i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
