Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
