I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
