Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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