My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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