didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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