it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
