what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize