I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
