Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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