Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
