I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
