I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want to be your penis for a week.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
