I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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