did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fuck appropriateness.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
