Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
