Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
