Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize