There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
