so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
