Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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