your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize