I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
