So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
