i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
