Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
