I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
