I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
