dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
