She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
