oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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