I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
