I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
