I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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