I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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