Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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