you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
