I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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