I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
