found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
