How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
