We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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