Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
