she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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