if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
