i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
