I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
