yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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