brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
