I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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