WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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