So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
