Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
