The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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