well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
