I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
the liver wants what the liver wants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
