please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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