i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
