i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
