This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
