Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize