DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
