I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
