All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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