I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize