If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
