boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
