bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
