God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
