he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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