in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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