I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
