i already hear my dad disowning me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
