It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
