so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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