if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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