Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
