My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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