Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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