he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
